living under somebody's dream

good afternoon all. its already twelve forty five. i woke up at twelve. haha.
i dint realise the time. basically, i was under my pillows and blanket
throughout the night. lol. i buried myself underneath, hoping to escape from reality.
sounds farmilliar? lol.

yesterday night, i went to the airport to send my uncle off to thailand.
the airport was very packed.
i wish i'm on a holiday. i cant stand to sit at home anymore.
my ear drums would burstt anytime noww.
lol.so somebody saveee me. haha.
then my family and i went to west coast to visit my granny
and went to eat at the food centre nearby. lol.

reached home and started chatting on the net.
and once i start to chat, there is no ending to it. haha
i was glued. haha.
i thank those ppl whom i've chatted with cos they made my boring day
into a lively and a happy day. thanks guyyyssss.

today, i would be out to house warming at woodlands.
and i wont be gg fer the org kahwin thing. lol. very malas.
then, will go to sengkang jalan raya. haha.
raya seems soo basi already. haha. but nevermind lah.
i'll go fer the fun of it. lols.

sitting at home is no fun at all.
i'll have to listen to whatever mom says.
and i'm sick of it
its like i have to live under somebody else's dream.
it hurts real bad. but i'm in no position to say anything.
i will just keep quiet.
in fact, i am living under her dream.
it is never about me. its just about her.
she dont care how i feel.
and i feel really useless.
cos i can do nothing abt it..

basically, i am always being forced to do things which i hate to do.
first, the first three months. if it is not fer her, i wont be in there.
i would be werking to earn some cash. but no. i have to listen to her.
i tried to stand up fer myself by saying that it is my life and i have the right to decide.
and she said that i'm only sixteen and the desision lies in her hands.
it just hurts really bad .. i dont even know what else to do.
i've been fighting with her every single day. thats why i've been home late everyday
so that i wont have to hear her nagging or whatsoever stuff.
sometimes, i dont even get to see her the whole day. busy working i guess.
i want to go to a poly, but she insist that i go to a JC. cos its a "FAMILY TRADITION THING"
i'm not happy living under her dreams. but she just dont understand me.
i wish i could lead a life by myself right now. away from her and everything.
that way, i shall leave everything behind.

second, my friends planned to organise a gathering fer me this december.
but she insist i do it at home. i'm sixteen on that day and i'm not allowed to make my own choices? oh no, i forgot. i'm NEVER allowed to make my own desisions anyway.
having fun outside is so much better than sitting at home.
and she said she would be there if i insist i wanna go sentosa and celebrate.
gawwd. i dont have a life. i dont. i dont.
there is no light in my life.
everything is abt what she wants. and not what i want.
cant she listen to me fer once.
but i guess not.
cos dreams wont come as reality.
dreams can fade.
cos my dream never came true.
and i should stopp believing in all that.

i shall buy a torch light. haha.
i'm okay. just not in the right state of mind.
i want to throw paper aeroplanes again. lol.
i just want.................
hmm. nevermind. i'll see if it wil come true. lol.
takecare all.
and ...
"follow your dreams.
not others cos you will be like me.
unhappy ;
and i live a life full of pretention and denial."

fanaaa