hey all. i just got home from an interview. lols.
and i'm super tired and my legs are supperr breakinggg.
hahhaa. imagine i went out at 9 and came back at ten. haha.
searching fer jobs then went to enjoy and have fun till i got sick.
hahaha. fer a moment i got sick. lol
but i'm feeling better now...hehhee.

when i think back, the job in the sales section is very tiring.
eight werking hours. wow. tiring...
but lets just see how the interview went and i doubt i will get it anyway.
hahaha. but it was worth the try.
chooppp. penat.
my legs are gonna breakk. its very tiring.
toys r us was full . hahaa.
full house. teng teng teng. hahhaa.

went to sim lim and buy some stuffs there.
i just had a wonderful day
with farah and qeela. i was soo tired walking abt.
hahaks...
klaa. update tmw.
penat. hahahks.

fanaaaa.

i saw it in ur eyes.

hmm. today was an average day. i did go out, this time with my mom. lol.
it was the first time in the holidays that we went out together.
as in myself, her and my elder sister.
i woke up at eleven. lol. i keep waking up late.
and i dreamt of something very bad and scary. i'll tell anyone who wants to know abt it.
haha.

we went to yishun to my aunt's place.
but before that, we went to northpt to have our lunch at swensen's.
haha.i had my pasta. lol. it was delicious.
the ice-cream was marvallous. but, i was suffering from a "forming sore throat"
so, i dint enjoy it that much. haha.
and then took bus 811 to my aunt's place.
when my mom and her sister meet, they started talking and talking.
haha. then they decided to go to tekka.. like ohh my gawwd. haha.
my sister and i dint have a choice but to follow.

we went to search fer cloths at that area. haha.
fer the wedding next two weeks.
i bought green and pink. lol. the colour was very nice.
i fell in loveee with it. haha.
but it was SUPER PANAS....but just had to endure.
hahaks.
i was suffocating and suffering there. lol.
but we went back to my aunt's place as soon as we bought the stuff.
haha. at last. phewwwww.

lepak at her place and played with the lil baby.
hahaha. he is sooo cuteeee.
i wish i cud bite him. haha. sounds farmilliar eh?
i love biting ppl. haha.
he got such loveeely cheeks. lol.
dad picked us up and went back home.
i had a tiring day. lol.

i have a job interview tmw.
and i'm deciding on what should i wear.
hmm. something nice and presentable i guess.
and tonight, my mom's gonna teach me to fold paper aeroplanes.
haha. cos i'm gonna play it and see it fly together with someonewho
shares my hope and dreams. =)
wish me all the best fer the interview tmw.
qeela and farah, meet at 9am at cck.
dont be late ehh. lols.

takecare all.

lots of love,
fanaaaa.

these ppl make my life go round.

*deen.qeela.isha.wani.fanaa*




its only eight thirty and i'm back home. lol. thats early fer me.
cos i always reach home late at abt twelve every single day. haha.
i miss my house. lol. basically, i had a wonderful day today.
like everysingle day, i have fun. haha.



*deen and fanaa*



i woke up at nine today. it is considered late cos i had to meet isha, wanie, deen, deen's sister and qeela. errmm. sorry to keep u guys waiting. i reached the last. ten thirty. haha.
we planned to meet at 10.15. lol. sorry sorry. sotong betol.
if somebody dint wake me up, i would stil be sleeping sehs. haha.
then, we went to send deenee to changi airport as she will be leaving fer indonesia.
the trip to the airport was fun. but ika, farah and yana werent there.
they went fer holiday already. lols. left the 4 of us in singapore.
we took pics in the train, chatted and caught up with the latest gossip and stories. haha.
everyone had their piece of story to share. and so did i. lol. =)



*isha,deen.wani.qeela.fanaa*



deenee's flight had been retimed. and we got time to take pics summore.
hahaks. but we had fun together.
hugged her and wish her a safe flight. lol.
it was a very touching moment that isha dropped my fone
and all of us SCREAMED. hahhaa.
the fone's cover opened. and it off-ed. hahaa.
wow. my jaws dropped wide open. but its okay. it can still werk though.


*deen.fana.qeela.isha.wani.*




after sending her off, we went to the canteen to have our lunch.
isha had to meet salman.
qeela had to meet ben.
wani had to meet her somebody. lols.
and i had to meet somebody as well. so we went our separate ways after that.
thanks gerls. u made my day today. lol.



* a pic i took yesterday. lol.*



i met a friend of mine at dhouby ghout but i was late.
cos i sent a tourist whom i met at changi airport to orchard mrt.
lol. i felt that i did a good deed. and i thank my friend fer being super understanding.
ehehe. jgn kembang ehh. kekekkee.
then we head off to plaza singapura to watch zathura. lols.
it was a great movie cos i spend most of the time laughing. haha.
the show was okay. and i enjoyed it. thats the best part.
then went off to swensen's to have our snacks.
just fries and ice-cream. haha.
but the jokes and stuff shared was enough to light up the atmostphere.
i did have fun with you ppl. thanks alot.
you ppl make my day again today. lol.

i spent a total of 20 dollars on chocolates today.
haha. i bought them at changi airport.
isha and qeela took 4 bars altogether which costs ten dollars.
haha. kidnap duit orang ehh. lols.
but its okay. i feel happy buying fer ppl stuff.
haha.
i guess i'll rot at home tmw.
and clear my wardrobe i think.
then ask mama to go shopping and buy new stuffs. hahaha.

okay then ppl. i guess i'll take my leave now.
i wanna eat. haha.
i never have enough of eating.lol.
takecare all.
anything sms me/ tag my board.
mwaahhssss.

faanaaa

living under somebody's dream

good afternoon all. its already twelve forty five. i woke up at twelve. haha.
i dint realise the time. basically, i was under my pillows and blanket
throughout the night. lol. i buried myself underneath, hoping to escape from reality.
sounds farmilliar? lol.

yesterday night, i went to the airport to send my uncle off to thailand.
the airport was very packed.
i wish i'm on a holiday. i cant stand to sit at home anymore.
my ear drums would burstt anytime noww.
lol.so somebody saveee me. haha.
then my family and i went to west coast to visit my granny
and went to eat at the food centre nearby. lol.

reached home and started chatting on the net.
and once i start to chat, there is no ending to it. haha
i was glued. haha.
i thank those ppl whom i've chatted with cos they made my boring day
into a lively and a happy day. thanks guyyyssss.

today, i would be out to house warming at woodlands.
and i wont be gg fer the org kahwin thing. lol. very malas.
then, will go to sengkang jalan raya. haha.
raya seems soo basi already. haha. but nevermind lah.
i'll go fer the fun of it. lols.

sitting at home is no fun at all.
i'll have to listen to whatever mom says.
and i'm sick of it
its like i have to live under somebody else's dream.
it hurts real bad. but i'm in no position to say anything.
i will just keep quiet.
in fact, i am living under her dream.
it is never about me. its just about her.
she dont care how i feel.
and i feel really useless.
cos i can do nothing abt it..

basically, i am always being forced to do things which i hate to do.
first, the first three months. if it is not fer her, i wont be in there.
i would be werking to earn some cash. but no. i have to listen to her.
i tried to stand up fer myself by saying that it is my life and i have the right to decide.
and she said that i'm only sixteen and the desision lies in her hands.
it just hurts really bad .. i dont even know what else to do.
i've been fighting with her every single day. thats why i've been home late everyday
so that i wont have to hear her nagging or whatsoever stuff.
sometimes, i dont even get to see her the whole day. busy working i guess.
i want to go to a poly, but she insist that i go to a JC. cos its a "FAMILY TRADITION THING"
i'm not happy living under her dreams. but she just dont understand me.
i wish i could lead a life by myself right now. away from her and everything.
that way, i shall leave everything behind.

second, my friends planned to organise a gathering fer me this december.
but she insist i do it at home. i'm sixteen on that day and i'm not allowed to make my own choices? oh no, i forgot. i'm NEVER allowed to make my own desisions anyway.
having fun outside is so much better than sitting at home.
and she said she would be there if i insist i wanna go sentosa and celebrate.
gawwd. i dont have a life. i dont. i dont.
there is no light in my life.
everything is abt what she wants. and not what i want.
cant she listen to me fer once.
but i guess not.
cos dreams wont come as reality.
dreams can fade.
cos my dream never came true.
and i should stopp believing in all that.

i shall buy a torch light. haha.
i'm okay. just not in the right state of mind.
i want to throw paper aeroplanes again. lol.
i just want.................
hmm. nevermind. i'll see if it wil come true. lol.
takecare all.
and ...
"follow your dreams.
not others cos you will be like me.
unhappy ;
and i live a life full of pretention and denial."

fanaaa

i'll be understanding.

BAD NEWS.
I was forced to apply for JC entry for next year.
that is the bad news.
and i have to take economics which is a compulsary subject
i dont even know how it works. lol.
but i'll just go fer the sake of making my mom happy.
though i dread going there.

today, i'll rot at home. basically all the 5days this week, i spent it by going out.
haha.
but going out is better then staying at home and doing nothing. lol.
and i want to ask my mom out on a shopping date. haha.
i need new stuffs. my clothes are always not sufficient enough.
she owes me 500 dollars fer doing well fer the prelim exams.
now, i wish i dint do well for prelims. lol.
cos i have to undergo three months of torture. lol.

" i'll never try to hold you back
i'll wouldnt try controlling you.
if its what you want.
it is what i want.
i want whats best for you."

it may be just a verse from a song.
but it means so much more to me than just that.
look into it.
think indepth.
jeng jeng jeng. haha.
and i lovee the songs to bits and pieces.

i'l try looking fer a job fer december.
i dunt knw if i should sit and rot at home.
or go out everyday like nobody's business.
haha.

indeed, i'm very happy with my life now.
i lead a simple and a carefree life.
i realised again that i was gullible enough to believe whatever mr STUD BELT said..
he goes around clinging to any gerl that he could find.
and give other gerls false hopes that he is waitingfor dem.
shitness right.
i'm neither hurt or angry. why should i be.
cos i found the answer that i've been searching fer the past 6 months when i knew him.
the reality is... I DONT LOVE HIM. I DONT...
i was forcing myself too cos i didnt wanna hurt him.
but at last, the tables were turned around and i was "HURT" in return.
so what? i wont care less.. but i'm free from him at last.
and i canmake my own choices. my life, my desision.
but i guess he is still HUMAN who makes mistakes.
however, his mistakes are just too unforgivable.
i dont mind he hurting me. but i wont let him off if he goes around doing the same ting to other gerls.
that is just not gentlemanly.

i'm just TOO HAPPY that i cant put it into words.
i'm HAPPY that i'm free from him.
i'm HAPPY cos i found out that the feelings i had fer him was FORCED.
i'm HAPPY as i'm no longer confused anymore...
i wont regret this desision. cos i felt that the month that i spent with him was just a huge mistake that should nevr never happen.
i should have thought carefully about it before believing every word that he said.
but its OVER NOW. and i'm proud to say i dont have any regrets for it to end this way.
it is BETTER this way and i wont want it any other way.

i thank everyone who have been encouraging me from the very start.
one point one, my two bestfriends, helping me in making my desision.
two point two, grrlfrens, always scolding me for being to nice to him. and i guess you guys are the best cos he wasnt the one for me anyway.
three, syafeeqa and yana, always there screaming at my ears whenever he calls. lol
three grps of wonderful ppl.
thank you soo muchhh...
"dreams are just meant to be dreams.
its all just a fantasy. "

fanaaa.

it was great.

hey all. sorry fer not updating yesterday i was very tired yesterday. lol
at least i'm back here today right. haha. prom last night was great.
i had lotsa fun. but if my parents dint pick me up at 1130pm, i would still be at the dance floor
making fun of dance moves and having fun with my gerls.
overall, it was GREAT. haha . beyond words.



at 2pm, farah, myself and qeela went to yana's place fer make up appointment.
the stylist was the garang garang type. lol. seram sejuk. hahaa.
but i think the makeup was okay and i went on doing my hair
i was tempted. haha.. at least it looked presentable. haha.
at 6pm, yana's mom tumpang us to the hotel itself.
and i almost lose my ticket. haha. but it was somewhere around. lol.


ate dinner. and our table was filled with chocolate cakes.
because juraihan was greedy enough to take one wholeplate.
haha. and his contact lens dropped and he wore SUNGLASSES. lol.
funny moments. and last moments.
but the gerlfrens should get one table and sit together.
we were separated. that was not so fun. lol.
basically we had fun and then, danced with deenee.
lol. and make fun of stuff.
talk crap and take pictures.
haha. i will never forget that night. memories of year 2005 that is.



i had fun today as well. haha.
went out again.
haha. everyday i will go out.
i cant stick at home. hahaa.
butt very itchy. lol.
hmm. anyway he doesnt contact me anymore.
and i want it to stay that way. cos i wont want it anyother way.
what i can say abt him is ........ hmm
there is no right words to describe it.
he's just selfish and boring. hahaha.
and he walks. LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT. haha.


tmw i shall rot at home.
sunday mayb i'll ask my mom fer a shopping spree.
hahaa.
i'm hungry.
i want stuffed crust pizza. lol
i want pizzaaaaaaaa.
hahaa
takecare all.

*fanaaa*

i had a bad day.

hey all. fana's back. but i got soo many stuff to share with you guys.
funny and sad. haha. but funny. hahaha. lols.
hmm. i reached home at 12.15am yesterday. haha.
mom was sleeping so.. heng heng lah.. haha. lucky lah kirakan..
lol..

today there was the 3 months briefing
i woke up late.. 8 am. the ting started at 9am.
i took minutes to put one side of my contacts
then i cant fit the other one in. so i had to take it out.
and tried to catch a taxi. but nowhere to be seen.
so i met ika who was late as well. haha..

and the bad news is i'm elligable. haha.
but i misplaced the form which is very important.
but heck lah. dunno where. haha.
after school, i treat ika and deenee to mcdonalds.
and started sharing stuff and joking like crazzzyyy.
then rushed home to meet qeela at 12.30pm teman her fer her menicure.

i thought i dint want to.. but then i was tempted. haha.
lol. so i painted my nails pink. that was part one.
part two was pedicure. haha. dint plan that one.
but hati kami tergerak. lol. but its okay lah. all ready fer tmw.
cuma some terkopakk! haiyaaahh.

then met FAUZEE at dhouby ghout.
its the second and it shall be the last time i'm gg out with him.
dint really talked. and i dint really had fun.
no laughter. no laugh. i wanted to cry cos i was bored to tears.
haha. he was kinda sacarstic uhh abt certain stuf.
i dunno if he's like that or trying to bring LIFE.
to the atmostphere which has no life. lol.
i looked like a walking zombie. i dint smile or anything.
just nodded and FAKED A SMILE. lol.

my energy level was only ten percent..
i wasnt very hyperactive who goes around laughing and smiling.
cos it was all soo fake. i wasnt happy.
and i wanted to escape so badly sehh..
at last i started to yawn and look really sleepy.
and he told me to go home. i happily agreed. hahaa.
i'm bad. lol.
and i walked my way alone to ct hall mrt.
i skipped around . lol i was away from him.
hahaha.

so i dunt hafta be confused cos i made up my mind.
i'm NOT GOING BACK TO HIM. PERIOD.
cos he wont make me happy. i thought he cud.
but i was wrong. i was even wronger to believe that he would wait fer me.
HAHA. BULLSHIT. HAH-CHOO!
allergic uhh.. lols.
but i wont be stuck anymore. avoiding him is the best way
cos BOTH OF US LIVE IN SEPARATE WORLDS.
in separate languages.
we dont speak the same.
he doesnt understand me.
he finds other ppl when i;m gone.
he doesnt knw what i like and what i dont.
all he knows is i want an ngage fone and a green creative.
which is so long OVERDUE. haha.

i shall not elaborate on it furthur.
it make my blood boil to 100 degrees. lol.
whatever it is, i wont be as leniant as before to him.
i wont take is calls or his smses.
he got other grrls. dont find me.
and dont mess wif me fer the second time. lol.

then i went to wani's place and laughed our head off.
hahaa.
abt the belt incident and some other personal stuff. =)
i loveee her to bits.

tmw's prom night.
i hope we'll have fun.
and i would bring extra batteries. ahhaa.
snap and have fun. dance maybe? lols.
just have fun. cos i know i will. lol.

"you will not love somebody cos of pity.
it doesnt matter even if your witty.
it wont develop just like that.
face it. its a fact."

lol. lame but true. lol.
k la. i wanna colour my hair. lol.
its soo cold.
yay. i'll be under pillows and blankets. lol.

last paper and i'm free!

i loveee the whether...its cold and nice.
i shall say its a beautiful feeling. lol.
and i can conclude that i'm feeling very very happy.
cos o's gonna be over TODAY. lol.
i shall declare the o lvls exams OVER. hahaa.
ya right lor. i got months of holiday.
maybe i should find a part time job for weekends only.
that could generate some income. lol.





i reached home at about ten thirty last night. lol.
mum was nagging cos she said i enjoyed before the exams were over. lol.
but whatever lah. i need a break. and it is over today.
so i can go out like nobody's buisness. haha.
but i had fun yesterday. really fun. lol.
and harry potter the movie is a must watch.
cos i'm going gaga over "harry potter". lol. haha.

and today i would be out shopping i guess?
need to pick up my prom dress. hope it fits
cos if not i'm gonna tear the dress apart! lol.
no lah. i'm not that violent. haha.
and need to shop fer tmw's date with jeng jeng jeng. lol.
he's been asking me to choose a movie.
but there is no nice movies except harry potter. lol.
mayb i should watch that twice.
then i shall go GAGA again. lol. haha.

there were not many stars yesterday.
just one. just one little star which was dim.
it may or may not be a star.
i just kept quiet the whole time. ( i was reflecting) lol.
i cud feel the wind blowing my hair away.
as i closed my eyes i could see a life ahead of me.
btw, i have a life. haha.
however, it is distorted and displaced.
i need time to sort it all out and be "happy" once again.
i love pretending. dont you?

i'm sleepy. lol. i never get enough of my sleep. haha.
sleep and sleep. lol.
i need sufficient rest okay. i have eyebags now. haha.
as far as things are concerned, fauzee and me are FRIENDS.
lol. he broke up with her.
but he refused to elaborate more on it.
but I WILL make him elaborate on it TOMORROW.
i have to know i guess. LOL. (mengepo.) haha.

okay lah ppl. i gtg now.
i need to iron my uniform then read more stuff.
PHYSICS and CHEM. last hurdle.


ehh, wait. before i end. i need to say something which is bothering me.
dont mind me. cos i'm making a shoutout. i'm screaming! lol


I HATE HYPOCRITES. I HATE HYPOCRITES. I HATE HYPOCRITES.
I HATE PPL WHO GOES AROUND SPREADING RUMORS AND LIES.
I HATE PPL WHO ARE STALKERS.
I HATE PPL WHO TALK ABOUT THEIR OWN SO CALLED "FRIENDS"
I HATE PPL WHO LOVE TO RUIN PPL'S RELATIONSHIPS.
I HATE PPL WHO KNOWS EVERY SINGLE DETAIL ABOUT SOMEBODY WHOM THEY DO NOT KNOW.
BASICALLY, THIS PERSON IS CORRUPTING THEIR OWN MIND.
THIS PERSON IS THOUGHT TO BE HARMLESS BUT BRINGS HARM.
AND THIS PERSON CANT SEEM TO MIND ITS OWN BLOODY BUSINESS.
AND THREE LAST WORDS FOR YOU.
"GET A LIFE"
muahahhahahaaa.

want to know who?
ask me lah.
but this person seriously needs to get a life.
i dint mean to hate anybody.
but this person is seriously too much.
haha. whatever lah. GROW UP.
and get a bloody life yourself.
haha..

*fanaaa*

i'm a happy gerl. lols.

its almost noon. lols. i woke up at eleven. lols.
which is considered late cos i seldom wake up at that hour.
i dint sleep well last night.
there were too many thoughts cramped up in my mind.
i tossed and turned. in the end, i fell asleep at two in the morning.
that explains why i woke up so late. lol.
detailed explanation ey? nehh. i'm happy. lol

yesterday, i went to town wif mama and sister.
search fer the perfect prom dress.
and i tell you i hate shopping with my mum now.
memalukan abes. lol.
she'll go saying..
"kau gila nak pakai terbukak-bukak."
"taknak. tak lawa."
lol. mcm mcm comment.. yerkan jer ape dia kata..






















i wanted this black tube which is superr gorgeous!
lawa banget. then thought i cud wear it with a pretty shawl.
you should know my mom. lol. so i dint get it.
i got a purplish dress instead. it was okay.
not too short. not too long. but i prefer the black one.
like what my best friend said. "black looks more elegant"
hahaha.

i'll take it on the tuesday cos i sent it fer alteration.
hope it would turn out okay. and i trust the designer. lol.
then i would take my contact lens which i was suppose to pick up on last friday. lol.
make up appointment is done and i have to pay it myself okay. lol.
mom dint want to sponser anymore. being grrls, you guys should know we spend alot.
haha.
and i have to do last minute shopping on tuesday.
sorry to anybody who see me shop. you would be in a sorry state. haha.
mayb i'll get a hair dye? errr... maybe cos many dont approve of me doing so.
esp my conservertive mama. lols.

and tomorrow i'm going out.
i've been staying home fer the past week. i deserve a decent break. haha.
but i promise to study my science mcq today. so tmw i dont have to cover alot.
i have to strategise. lols.

anyways, he dint call me yesterday and i dont think i should mind.
i should forget about him and start afresh all by myself.
i know he is with her now and i must be happy for dem.
its better this way. i practically switched off my sound on the fone yesterday.
haha. i'm being mean. yes.
but it will keep me away from thinking of him.
yay. i'm strong. i wont cry anymore. i promise.

hmm. what plans do you ppl have today?
well, i'm going on ber-raya today with my family. lols.
and i cross my fingers that i wont go to my neighbour's place.
cos the mom might mistake me fer another maid. lol.
those who have heard the story, would know what i'm talking about.
lols.
i'm wearing this baju kebaya which is pink and green. haha.
i look like a walking christmas tree. seriously. haha.
wait later i snap a pic let ppl see a nice short christmas tree.
lol. i'm crapping . haha.

i thank everyone for asking me if i'm alryte and feeling better.
special credits goes out to aqilah. who asked me twice alredy. lols. thanks grrlfwen.
to both my bestfriends.
farah and *yuna* lols. i appreaciate it.
grrlfrens. thanks fer everything.
i loveee you guys to bitssss.
thank you for caring so much as i feel deeply appreaciated.

" a special thing is called a bond.
i know you would be there when i'm torn.
not everything is gone cos some stuff would remain.
there i welcome you back, my bestfriend."
*to yuna.* lol.

created by: fanaaa.


fanaaa.

black black heart.

okay. i broke down yesterday for four bloody hours.
i cried for four hours non-stop. luckily i was alone cos its sucha burok scene which you all cant imagine. lols.
it was so dramatic. but when i think back, it was funny. haha.
i wanted to call somebody. but then i thought back... hmm. its okay.
i shall not disturb and burden them with my problems.
so i continued crying. hahaa. okay. i shall shutt up noww. lols

i even talked to myself and asked myself what happened. lols.
call me crazy. yes. i'm crazy. hahaa.
i couldnt find anyone to talk to. so i shall talk to myself.
hahaa. i guess it hurts too much. it does.
maybe, i'm being too sensitive here. but the feeling of betrayal is there.
and i just cant seem to forget about it.
and i'm trying to make things less complicated.
but the more i try to forget, the more i think abt it..
SHUCKKKKSSSSS. LOLS.

thats why i say i'm happy pretending.
i'm so happy pretending that i forgot that i'm in the world of reality.
i thought that i'm just floating around in the world of fantasy.
all alone. with nothing left.
this is life. and i repeat. its BLOODY REALITY. LOLS.

o lvls is almost over. but i feel its already over.
haha. but nehh. stil got one paper to sit for.
and i have to do well cos i screwed my physics paper bigg timeeee.
i think most ppl would agree with me right?
physics paper just suuccckksss.
mum's werking again. primary one orientation.
i dont like it when she works.
i'll be so entertained with her lame jokes. haha.

tmw then i'l be hitting town. mayb to topshop then to forever 21.
get something simple and nice.
nothing to short. mum will scream at me. lols.
then monday, i shall rot at home and study my science.
tuesday...everything's over.
and i'll be out with farah to shop fer her stuffs.
and watch daa stars with her. lols.
wednesday, there's a briefing in school which i dunno what time it would end
and mayb meet him? i dunno. lols.
too early to decide.

he dint call yesterday and i can understand why.
hmm. he is divided into two.
and i wont pressure him or anything.
i'll just let him be.
he will find me if he has the time.
if he doesnt. then its okay.
i'm used to it already. as long as he's happy.
i should be okay with everything.


dearest,
its been three years since we've known each other.
things may be tough but memories surrender.
you are torn into two and so am i.
how do you expect this relationship to survive?

you have her and you have me.
is this how you want this relationship to be?
dearest, i dont want you to leave her.
at the same time, i dont want you to leave me either.

but if things are this complicated, then i shall take a step back.
i wouldnt want her breathing down my neck.
i understand the plight you are going through.
it is tough but darling, you told me that was life.

there is two of us and there is one of you.
it will be your choice and it wont be mine.
things would be just fine.
though i know that you wont be mine.

i shall give up my love for you to be with her.
she found you first and she loved you first.
theres no space for me; no where to quench my "thirst"
it shall be you two. and there will be no me.

i'm just a nobody. but you are a somebody.
a somebody deserves a real somebody.
and someone like you dont deserve like anybody.
and anybody like me, whose just a nobody.

i'm sorry if i;ve ever hurt you in anyway.
but if you are to go away,
i wont blame you cos i understand why.
you chose her, an angel .
who would make your relationship survive.


creation by: fanaaaa.


*fanaaa.*

i fell for you at the wrong time.

lol. accounts paper was over yesterday. yay yay..
and the mcq was kinda easy. cos it was from the tys.
i am one lucky grrl as i did them before gg out of the house. haha.
alhamdulilah. this raise my chance to get at least a b3 for my poa.
insyallah.
after poa, we rushed off home.
ape lagi.. kita JALAN RAYA LAHH..
haha. kempunan kita suma tak jalan raya.
and i thank zaki for organising this jalan rya thing.lol.
being grrls, we are always late. lol.
faris and wawan were sindiring us..
"cepat seh korang sampai." bad right they all. haha.
we sat down and waited fer the others to arrive.
there were others who arrived later than us. lol.

















while waiting, suddenly my fone started vibrating.
and i saw the name. [fauzeedaex]* on my screen. lol.
i dint smile. i dint jump. i was shocked. still recovering from it. haha.
i picked up and he sounded cheerful.
he: i just went to ur frenster and......
me: eh oh... haha..tengok jer frenster org..
he: now, i dont hafta worry anymore cos.....
me: lol. u dont doubt me anymore can tak?
haha. he ajaked me to go out with him this wednesday.
watch harry potter wif him. lol.
it was his idea. not mine. haha.
and harap harap, this time, kita jadi jumpa...

















after every one arrived at the meeting pt, we set off to bkt panjang
to shiqah's house. shiqah and zaki. haha. cutest couple i've seen.
four years together and still happy together. hehe.
snap pics . chatted. ate kueh mueh. and air ape entah zaki bikin.
lol. grrlfrens got togther. this time there were 8 of us.
FULL ATTENDANCE. haha.
i had great fun. away from all my problems.
away from books at home. duhh! its almost overrr.. lol.
after shiqah's place, we went to fuad's place at bkt panjang area.
the guys wanted us to walk. and you know its super far... haha.
but at last we took the bus. haha. thanks fer beeingg sooo
understanding ehh korangs. lol.
at fuad's place, we took pics again.
ate and drank. yana made plans to go out on my birthday.
to sentosa. lol. sumhow like a gathering..
u plan eh... aku dtg jer.. hehehe. lol.
fuad took so long to dress up. and we were very hungryyy!
lol. none of the houses cooked anything fer us.
stomachs were making noises. ppl were rumbling. lol.

















took the LRT and went off to isha's place. wowwww.
at last we got something decent to eat.
mee siam and nuggets. fuyoo. so niceee!
and faris curikk most of thenuggets.
and he went around stealing chocolates from ppl's houses.
haha. lol.
by that time, it was already nine plus. we had to chopp chopp/
cos yana had to go home early.
but..its raya time. we are supposed to haveee funnn. lol.
after isha's place, they went to my place.
ate nuggets again...lol. muka suma tukar jadi nuggets sehh..lol.

















then, it was alraedy 10.15pm. we walked over to wani's plce
which is 100 steps from my block. lol.
we live soo near to each other. hehe. thats the fun part.
save transport cost. lol. geography shitness. haha.
choopp choopp again. 15 minutes at her place then we are off to zack's place.
wahh. we eat again. i had to ssqueezeee food inside my stomach.
his nenek took the trouble to cook fer us.
and i think its best if i taste a bit lah. tak baik lahh kan...
and i ate my fav fruiit.. watermelon. lol.
his place is sooo pretty lah.
well decorated. and he got very pretty young sisters
and a cute younger brother.
snapp pics at his house and we are off to yana's place.


















we took a bus to yew tee mrt .
and waited fer another bus to go to yana's house.
lol. but there were no signs of buses.
so they suggest we walk to save time.
farah was already groaning in pain.
i dint wear heels but my leg was aching already. lol.
we had no choice but to walk.
a fifteen minutes walk.
isha walked barefooted. lol.
she was so cute in green. lol.
but she dint flirt with me at all.
cos salman was there. lol
jgn marah isha..hehehe.

















reached yana's place at 1145pm.
poor dini she has a paper to sit for tmw.
but she's smart. and i am sure she'll do well.
thanks fer letting me hold you whenever i wanted to fall.
haha. loveee ya deen.
again, we ate. lol. i stuffed food again. lol.
sumbat jer lah.. tu pasal nawi fana dok rumah..
diet sikit. heheh. lol.
ppl were very sleepy.
the legs were killing us larr...
the guys still wanted to continue. haha.
they arent tired thats why.

















fauzee msged me. i promise him that i would go back by12
but i dint. lol. cannot be blamed. haha.
we lost track of time.
we left yana's place at 12.30am. lol. suma muka ngantk.
most of us that is. lol.
faris was being so gentle-manly. lol.
he hailed cabs for us to get home.
it was the first time i saw him so caring. lol.
in other words, he is never ccaring. lol.
no lah. not until like that.
he said." korang pompan. jalan baik baik"
lol. see. manly sikit faris ni. lol.

















in the taxi, fauzee called me. i know i was late already.
lol.
he waited fer me to get off the cab.
he temaned me up the lift alone.
i appreaciate it. really really.
he waited fer me to cuci pinggan and bersihkan my face. lol.
and he called me back.
and we did some serious talking
which almost ended up wif one of us getting hurt.


















and luckily i kept my mouth shut. lol.
you know why he dint call me fer the past week?
he had a GRRLFREND.
shocked eh? so was i.
it explains his missing fer that week.
he: u. i nak bilang u benda tapi i takot u'll hate me.
me: ape dia. bilang uhh..
he: i takot will carik lelaki lain.
me: tak lah.. tak... ape....
lol. then he told me everything.
for a moment i felt like crying. but i held back my tears.
i told him i was okay when i wasnt.
i know i lied but its a white lie. haha. tipu sunat. hehe.
i felt betrayed and disappointed in him. i did.
but i kept quiet. i dint wanna make things worse.
i thought he would be waiting fer me after my exams.
but looks likeh he turned the tables around.
" mestinya kau cari pengganti diriku saja"
i think this line is meant fer him.
indeed i was shocked and hurt.
he just contacted me aweek ago and now, he has a grrlfren.
just like what???
lol.
he said he wanted to break up with her cos of her perangai.
but, he can change her if she wanst too.
i dont want to come in between both of them.
and i wont blame him if he chooses to stay with her.
we've crossed so many obstacles.
misunderstandings happen so often between us.
and i wonder how it would be like.

i care for him. i do.
but he hasnt offically broken up with her/
how sure am i that things wont happen again.
i'm not sure myself.
i'm afraid of getting hurt.
i cant face his lies if he lies to me anymore.
is this relationship worth a second chance?
thats something i have to think abt.

now i feel lke i fell in love at the wrong time.
lol.
or mayb i should avoid him fer things to get better between both of dem.
i am jealous. i admit it eyy...
lol. but what am i to do..
just let time tell everything.
and i shall see if we will meet next wednesday
or will he leave me waiting there again?
will he leave me like he did before?

i know i'm being very negative.
but i just hate getting hurt.
it hurts to fall down and nobody's around.
mayb its a challenge fer me to face up to my fears.
but i'll avoid him if it means happiness fer him and his grrlfren.
i'm willing to take a step back.
its not that i dont love him or anything.
i do.
but love is abt sacrifice isnt it?




















anyways, i thank everyone fer all the fun we had yesterday.
i had so much fun.
jumpa korang pat sentosa ey nanti...
bawak hadiah besar untok aku. lol.
takecare ppl.
i'll decide soon enough.
thanks fer reading and listening.
=)
hearttt everbodyy..
*fanaa`

my burden is lightened.

two bloody papers left and i'm done.
not the fact that i have done well or anything.
but at least its over. i cant bear to continue studying with the little lamp
beside my bed and my study table which is full of vandalism of ppl's name
and my dreams. lol. sounds crazy? well, fana is crazy. haha

geography was okay. and i am glad i attended mdm pua's lesson fer the past two days.
it was worth the sacrifice. mrs foo was poking me at the stomach when i said
i was gonna flunk my combined humanities cos of social studies.
but, she still believed in me despite her "violent" actions. lol.
i did development and agriculture. the six pieces of full scap paper given wasnt enough.
cos two of dem, i wrote rubbish. so i rewrote it.
map reading was done last as i know my essay will take a long time to end.
i end my essays at 9.15am and there was 15 minutes for map .
alhamdulilah, i completed my stuff.

then.. TING TING TING. times up.
i tied everything up and got ready to submit the paper.
and i submitted th paper.
then i CRUSHED all the unused paper.
then i thought why did i have 3 papers crushed instead of two papers.
i opened it up. TO MY HORROR. IT WAS PART OF MY DEVELOPMENT QUESTION.
i paniced like crazy. and raised my hand up high.
with the kanchong look on my face. haha. feeqa saw. lol.
i was in a very tense state. muka cramp. lol. paham paham jer lah.
the examiner just smiled at me and was "nagging" in a very gentle way. lol
she dint scold me. and called me sotong for not writing my question number.
as she stood by my table, my hands trembled as i tied the string again.
the whole school was like having its eyes on me.
thats what i thought. haha.
but i saved my development question. lol.

and i had 5 hours break before accounts paper. lol.
zhenjun ran away to i dunno where and dint teach me stuff.
haha. lol. sat in the canteen chilled with my grrls.
dini, farah, wanee and qeela.
we were practically singing songs. that was with dini.
sharing secrets was with wanee.
taught farah some poa stuff. lol.
but it was fun. haha. cos we laughed so hard.
and went to the examination hall at two pm sharp.

and POA paper was SUCKY. lol.
some said it was easy some said it was hard.
to me it was in the middle. i wont dare to say it was easy.
cos if i say, then jeng jeng jeng..... lol.
even the zhenjun said it was tough. haha.
but my gurenteed A1 for the subject is definitely NOT ACHIVABLE.
mayb an a2? lol. it all depends on my MCQ tmw. prays hard.
its okay. its over already. no point stressing and brooding over it.
i think i did okay. but to score, i dont know if its enough.
as i screwed my physics paper soo badly. hahhaha..!
i'm no science student. so i wonder how am i gonna get into nursing course
without interest in science. hahaha.

after paper, went to jurong point to find contacts and some stuff.
and we got a bargin of 39 dollars for two boxes of coloured contactlens.
we couldnt find anything cheaper. i would be wearing it once only. haha.
i took misty grey. lol. it looks nice. green looks a bit scary. haha.
but it depends on one's skin.
and i complemented the wrong person.
ey no. its him who misinterprete my compliment.
haha. but he's cute though. lol.

i dunno where fauzee went again. lol.
i guess he's busy studying for his exams.
and i hope he is. haha. but its okay.
we are not attached my strings. lol.
in other words, no strings attached. haha.
i know he's fine ...lol...
how shall tings be after o's between me and him?
lol. i cant tell and i cant forsee anything yet.
let time tell...hehehe..

i'm happy my mum and her siblings reconciled with their half brother.
he came fer hari raya.
after so long "terpisah"
they met each other. lol.
it was a very touching sight. hehe.

okay lah ppl. i shal go study my mcq book.
hope that it would be simpler than paper two.
paper two is complicated.
and i'm thinking twice of taking business in JC.
if i get into one which i think I WONT. lol.
a poly perhaps? lol. i dunno. cant tell yet haha.

takecare all.
just onemore paper and we are done.
good luck to everyone.
fanaaa loveeesss all of you. lol.

*fanaaa*