you mean so much to me.

i miss these ppl.







i feel guilty over what happened.
within me, there lies a guilty conscience.
i knw i shouldnt feel this way.
but i feel that i ought to apologise to him.
should i?

i apologise fer not understanding the situation.
i apologise fer being so fickle minded and hard headed.
i'm sorry fer the words i said which might have hurt you.
i'm sorry to make u feel bad abt things that i did which might have bothered you.

i'm sorry we had to separate.
it wasnt my desision. but it was my choice.
there aint anything gg on between us.
but i feel there is a need to apologise.
it was partly my fault.
cos right now, we are like complete strangers.

i sincerely apologise.
i'm sorry.

haha.
thats a letter to the ex.
an apology letter.
but i dint send it. haha.
its my reflections.
my friend told me to write it down instead of thinking and brooding abt it.
hehe.
wani dear, i knw u said it wasnt my fault.
but then, i feel so bersalah.
LOL.

think nothing abt it.
i'm feeling better now. hehe.
lalalla. i'm bored. been stuck at home fer the past two days.
tmw...? rot again i guess.
grrlfwens are werking. goodness. i miss dem all.
i miss going out as well.
sitting up my block is fun as well.
haha. its just a suggestion.

at times, i wonder why do ppl start appreaciating others
only when they are gone or when they leave us.
that is sth to think abt i guess.
and i should start loving and appreaciating everyone even more.
i wont want to leave with regrets.

relationship with mama is strained right now.
and i wish i cud do sth to make it better.
but then again, time will heal all the wounds.
keeping quiet would solve all matters.
i'm feeling quite alright.
just that lonely at times.
left and right, my grrls are werking.
it is kept within myself.
and i'm getting used to it already. lol.

school's starting next year.
i wont knw how it wud be.
at least mira would be in the same school as me.
same course with me. hope i wud be in the same class as her.
and mayb i wud be werking part time next year.
to keep myself busy from reflecting on what has happened all these while.
and i shud reallie stop thinking of the past and move ahead.
at least school's gonna make my mom happy.
then if she is, i should try and be happy as well.
but i'll stand up fer myself when i have too.

" on this jourey through time and space.
the heart would find its way."
as quoted.

so i should follow my heart to wherever it takes me.
and my heart tells me that i should buy the book on kids illnesses i saw at the bookstore.
haha.
till then, takecare all.
sorry if my post bore all of u.

life is exactly what it's supposed to be.

fanaaa.
you made me even weaker.

updated.

i was accused of having an affair with a guy whom i dont even knw.

his ex was bombarding me with all sorts of questions.

all i did was to stay calm cos i dint do anything wrong.

but it was wrong fer her to attack me like that.

i have never met him. exchanged fone numbers or anything.

just one chat at msn. and it was ages ago.

and i dont even knw him well at all.

her tone was rather rude.

and when i asked her what happened.

she said. " you did nth wrong."

haha. mcm ding dong ding dong.

dunt knw if she wud continue harrasing me. lol.

she's so violent. haha.

whatever it is, i dont have an affair with him.

i dont even knw him. goodness. haha.

one short conversation dont mean anything. haha.

but i cant blame her can i...?

i'll be understanding. hehe.

i'm okay. just shocked.
fanaaaa.